Don't have a username? Tap here to get one. Add Quote Top New Random. Need a username? Code Report Quote This is not a quote. Be the first to comment on this quote. Please Sign in to leave a comment. Here I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles. Same old tired, lonely place. Walls of insincerity, Shifting eyes and vacancy vanished when i saw your face.
We were best friends. She always told me she loved my eyes. I didn't quite know why. I was in love with her, so of course my face lit up immensely whenever she said it. She was beautiful, kind, and extremely funny. We'd be talking about nothing, and she'd turn to me and whisper, "I like your eyes. Suddenly, I got a phone call. It was her mom. We live in a lonely world as it is and to lose friends and family might be too much for people to handle so they will rather keep their problems to themselves.
Prior advice — This is a two-sided problem. Continue living in denial or seek help? You become too ashamed to open up about yours it to anyone else because of the judgment and condemnation that people often pass to others.
Insufficient support system — You can only open up to people that you trust or at least have some sort of relationship with. Image via Odyssey The following two tabs change content below. Bio Latest Posts. I am a consultant and I love to write articles on different topics in my spare time. I also write true life stories that touch the heart. Latest posts by Abi Funsho see all. Post tags: pretence pretend pretending. Dont even bother, e nor dey show for face..
Post a Comment cancel reply Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Login Register. Remember me. So, they are actually up on their high horse, giving you the space to come to your senses.
For example, a woman might have a huge blow-up fight with her boyfriend over his job. She wants him to quit. At some point, she may go to wash the dishes. She may then walk back in the room with him and act normal and like everything is ok. But this is because she feels right and good and calm because she feels she knows the truth, and feels that inevitably he will come around and come to his senses and align with her point of view.
So, for now, they can drop it and discuss what TV show to watch. And here are some things you can do: Seek the assistance of someone who can help you maintain your grip on the reality of the situation and go over the events to sort out what is true from false. Ideally, this should be someone that is hard or impossible for you, yourself to manipulate. Ideally, a professional. When you go to get this assistance, you need to care more about getting help to see the actual reality, no matter how much it hurts and no matter how much shame it might cause you to feel.
Whether this experience ends up being validating or not, you need to make sure that you are not going to someone outside the situation because you need them to validate you or to make you feel good about yourself or to see yourself as right in the situation. Because if this is your intention, you may simply be using the other person as an accessory to your dysfunctional behavior and slipping into a narcissistic bubble that just so happens to be outside of reality.
Give the other person a chance to understand your feelings and perception of the situation. If you never bring up the rupture that you feel exists no matter whether they are acting like it does or not , then you are choosing to continue on living in two separate realities.
And thus, you are choosing separation, not alignment and not a relationship. Being the one to initiate resolve or to initiate getting into the same reality sucks. Especially when in your mind, it should be the other person doing so. And there are ways you can do this that will increase the odds of this going successfully, such as sticking to expressing your feelings. When you do this, you want to focus on letting them know how their actions had an impact on how you feel.
By doing this, you are making statements about the emotional reaction that you had and how those actions had a negative effect on your relationship. Keep in mind that people who pretend nothing is wrong are usually severely shame averse and so, communicating in a way to decrease their shame while helping them to see your reality is important.
For this reason, you may benefit by watching my video titled: How to Resolve Conflict. The way the person responds to you sharing how you feel, tells you a lot about what type of relationship you can have with them, if any. And this is down to what is true for you personally. As you know, unfortunately it takes two to make a relationship work. They are interested in supply.
What I mean by supply is, they are only interested in other people meeting their needs. Needs like attention, adoration, control, praise, importance and power.
They will want to feel good again and they will want you to feel good again and they will want to occupy the same reality as you. And both their words and actions not just words will demonstrate that. For more information about this, I want you to watch two of my videos. This is a rehabilitation case.
And relational rehabilitation must take place within the context of relationship. The question is… are you actually the right person to be a part of that process of rehabilitation; knowing that it may take years or may never work; and that you will certainly get hurt along the way? Or if you are truthful, is doing so incompatible to you? Consider bringing in a genuinely neutral third party to help put the issue on the table and help with conflict resolve. This person can act as a bridge and a bringer of all parties into the same reality.
Again, the best-case scenario is if this is a professional. Someone whose life is not personally affected by the situation. And so… Everything is not ok unless a genuine meeting of minds takes place. Go to articles Teal Swan Articles. Where can we send you your 5 free guided meditations?
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